And I’m actively trying to work through it.

It’s a weird feeling when you have everything you want, you’re in a position that you dreamed you would be in years ago, yet you still can’t shake the feeling of depression. And you guys, I am SO there right now. 

I am currently married, pursuing a degree in a field that I love, moving into a new house, and actively creating content for a variety of brands. My social media lifestyle page and presence has grown larger than I could have imagined even a year ago. I’ve even made some awesome new friends this year. Yet for some reason I am so wildly depressed almost on a daily basis. I am constantly fatigued, my motivation is hard to come by, and most days I am so irritable that I annoy myself. (Does anyone else deal with this?)

Before anyone asks….yes I have talked with my Dr., I am on medication, I am trying hard to incorporate more excercise, I meditate, read personal development books. However I am still actively working on pushing depression to the side so I can go about my day. 

I guess the reason I am even writing about this is because in the last few days I’ve received quite a few messages asking for advice. People want to know how I do it, how did I get started in the industry I am in, how did I manage to grow etc. I’ve had people go as far as to comment #goals on many of my posts. The thing is I never want anyone to think that this has been easy for me or that I am some extraordinary human being. I’m not #goals. I’m human. 

I know it’s easy to look at people online and think, wow she must have it all together, and then start feeling bad about yourself or where you are. Well I am here to tell you that even the people you look up to are fighting their own demons. Including myself. 

Most days it really is a struggle for me to get out of bed and face the day. And I feel so shitty for it. I have so many things to be grateful for. However I honestly feel that my body is chemically wired in a way that I have to ACTIVELY seek out happiness. Especially considering that 99% of the time I live in a state of anxiety or depression. 

It’s hard. It’s REALLY freaking hard. But I am doing it. And I know if I can fight this fight that YOU can to. 

I just want anyone out there who is struggling with this same feeling to know that nomatter what background you come from..nomatter what you have or don’t have.. you have to make the CHOICE to fight against this. You deserve happiness. We all deserve happiness.

So today if you are struggling and you find yourself stumbling across this post, just know you’re not alone and I’m praying for you. And if you could..say a prayer for me too girl. I know this is a short blog post I just really felt the need to put this out there and maybe open up some conversations.

We will overcome.